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Femininity and Masculinity: It’s A Fight

“His attempt of suicide did not move me so he decided to use violence, ripping some of my tops to shreds in order to obtain sick satisfaction. I was supposed to consider to be lucky because his ex was not allowed to wear thongs”.

I am reluctant to write this post. This is another moment of the series of my life when I look up to the sky and I ask God: “Excuse me? You want me to do WHAT? In a Kevin Hart’s impersonation, with a sour face of disbelief and a squeaky loud, but forward dismissal. “No, I ain’t doing that!” I think it might be the timid farm girl in me that contains so much resistance. What is funny about it is that if you ask my family they will confirm and laugh at my farming skills so it has to be something else holding me back.

I have become good at being detached from my life and my character. I have a strong sense that I have to play a part written by some genius director. Sometimes I get a glance at the script and protest against the scenes I somehow accidentally omitted while reading. You want me to do what? Wasn’t I supposed to be a happy wife being loved by my family, husband and children? Or when are we filming on the beach? Starring me, virgin pinacolada and nature?

You come into this world with love and peace and you think you have all there is to have. Maybe in the times of Adam and Eve before eating the apple, but not anymore. Now you have to fight for upholding the medal of peace, and every day another round comes to prove if you last as a winner.

The area of relationships was my fighting ring. And I can feel the resistance rising up to my throat, again. Every relationship I have been in, I had to fight for my dignity, for respect, for rights to be the person that I am, for “a dance of feminine beauty and power” as someone once whispered to my ear as I was agonizing on the floor moments before rising up on wobbly legs to reclaim the title. And that honor and all my fights I dedicate to all the women and all the men, because no woman can be ever fulfilled without her feminine beauty and power, and no man can ever be truly happy without having a true femininity merging and complementing his true masculinity. And there will be no joy in sex or sex at all, until we become secure in ourselves by the true definition of security, not some made up conviction that is being easily shaken up by anger or insubstantial despair.

A fully realized femininity is a threat to false and flawed masculinity. It has been proven to me countless times. A well – rounded female standing in her truth, without fear, with conviction of equality and mutual respect shakes up in a man the worst if he is not a match to her balanced virtues.

The battle unfolds.

When we think of love and the promise that it brings, we look at the positive aspects. That is why we crave love in the first place. However as soon as you finally come across a relationship, the truth comes out about hidden, unwanted agenda of ourselves that we have been  meticulously concealing . Despite our carefulness, one day the applied make up washes off and we are fully exposed.

I am receiving a flash back to one of my battles.

It is a glorious achievement to journey from shame to finally getting to the full acceptance of your body. You just love every part that you once hated so much. It is like holding a gold medal at the Olympics and as a medalist you cherish your reward since it reflects your effort and dedication invested in the process of stepping onto the podium. When people with unresolved issues get together, their fears want to rule over someone else’s accomplishments.

In relationships, my powerful femininity was constantly challenged. The very first thing that wanted to be taken away from me was my freedom to dress. That boy thought that by calling himself my boyfriend, he automatically had rights over me and of what I should wear.

I was observing his possessive reactions in astonishment. It was a phenomenon, a spectacle I have never had a pleasure to watch.

There was this nagging desire in him to cater to other men’s opinions. According to him, I could not wear a sheer top (which are merging as trendy again, sheerer than ever before) because that would be provocative to some other male pervasive minds. It is obvious to me that his controlling behavior would not meet any tolerance in me. By being myself, I was destroying his fragile manhood, which he defended with zeal and stupendous acting skills. Living a life by being constantly aware of alleged malicious, vicious and humiliating attitudes, is not a life a all, but hell . If I had to dress to hide my shapes, I might just as well die or flat myself out with a wall.

My position was unyielding so he went out to the kitchen and threaten to kill himself with a knife what convinced me to pack up my stuff and leave. He was basically threatening me to surrender to his will, to his rules. His attempt of suicide did not move me so he deiced to use violence, ripping some of my tops to shreds to get some sort of sick satisfaction. I was supposed to consider to be lucky because his ex was not allowed to wear thongs.

That day I did pour a lot of tears for the ignorance of human beings and letting the ignorance take over love. If you want to love someone, you set that person free and you care about their expression, their way of being. Do not destroy their self – esteem, but to the contrary, support it and nurture it. Most importantly, you do not alter yourself to corrupted insubstantial expectations.

Women are not jars sculpted with asses and tits. Do  NOT treat her as if she were a vase containing water and each foreign look was about to crack the glass and spill the water. Treat her with gentleness and you will never be thirsty.

 

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